Navigating the Holidays as Intended Parents: Using This Time for Research and Hope

The holiday season often highlights what’s missing in our lives, especially for intended parents awaiting a child. I know that holidays can intensify that feeling of loss, longing, or pressure, even among all those festive celebrations. 

I know you worry, but I want to tell you that it’s natural to feel a mix of anticipation, hope, and frustration during this time. 

For parents pursuing international surrogacy, the festive pause may intensify these emotions because of added complexities. Each country’s surrogacy laws and requirements can differ wildly, and that’s making you feel even more insecure.

From my experience, gathering reliable information in the beginning - about legal rules, agency reputations, and travel logistics, can help turn stress into purposeful planning.

Let’s go through the list of what usually worries you the most:

• Legal and regulatory research: Surrogacy is not universally legal, and each country’s framework is diverse, and constantly changing, which can be good, but also, very confusing. For example, some countries allow surrogacy only for married couples, while others welcome single or LGBTQ+ parents. But, understanding and knowing for sure where your surrogacy journey needs to start, who can be the legal parent, how citizenship is granted to your baby, and what paperwork is needed on return home - is crucial. Some agencies don’t provide accurate information, but you can always reach for a free 30 minute session with me, since I am an independent international surrogacy consultant.

  
  

• Clinic and agency selection: Choosing the right fertility clinic or agency abroad takes careful vetting. In my experience, surrogacy agencies vary significantly in their processes, fees, and support services—and, importantly, in their contingency measures when things go wrong. Some agencies are transparent, while others hide costs or overpromise results. Asking informed questions early: about experience, legal support,  client references, and contingency plans, can save thousands, months of frustration, and emotional heartache.

  
  

• Logistics planning: International travel and documentation add layers of complexity. Even after a baby is born, families may face delays in obtaining birth certificates, passports, travel documents or court orders. Surrogacy laws can change unexpectedly. For example, Argentina, and Greece have recently revised their laws! This means your overall plans for travel and timelines must remain flexible and well-researched.

  
  

How to Use the Holiday Season Productively

Instead of letting uncertainty feel overwhelming, use this downtime to gather information, make plans, and care for yourself. Consider these steps:

1. Research Surrogacy-Friendly Countries: Compile a list of potential destinations and compare them. I have some listed on my website, just check the Surrogacy in dropdown menu on homepage. 

You will see a list of countries, and in every country page, before the headline, you will see the most important information: price, legal status, types of surrogacy supported (in case you’re not considering traditional surrogacy, types of parents supported by law, rules on surrogate compensation and my personal comment.

I always advise intended parents to look for countries that welcome diverse intended parents, because, for example, some explicitly allow LGBTQ+ or single parents. 

Note which places have friendly laws and which have restrictions. Research each country’s legal framework for parental rights and citizenship. Much depends on the country and passport you hold. Many jurisdictions require a post-birth adoption or court order, while others accept birth certificates listing you as the legal parents, depending on the surrogacy destination.

Take time to ask about the chosen clinic success rates, costs, and ethical practices. For instance, average total costs can range dramatically - from around $35–60K in Ghana to over $250K in the USA. Creating a checklist or spreadsheet of each country’s rules, requirements, and costs can help you make informed decisions when it’s time to proceed.

2. Learn About Agencies and Clinics: Use any spare time to vet fertility clinics and surrogacy agencies you’re considering. Read testimonials and support forums or online groups. Schedule video calls or emails with a few agencies to understand their services. Show up prepared, with questions. For example: “How many surrogacy journeys have you handled in the last 3, 6, 12 months?”, “What exactly is included in your fee?”, “Can you provide references or success stories?”. Take notes on each agency’s answers and policies. My advice for the intended parents is to always bring these questions and answers to the consultations, so I can help them compare responses between agencies. That is the first step of  finding an honest, capable partner. Look for agencies or clinics that provide transparency (detailed cost breakdowns, clear timelines, dedicated coordinators) and follow up promptly on your inquiries.

   
   

3. Plan Financially: International surrogacy involves many costs beyond medical treatment. It’s essential to collect and compare agency offers and program packages and, just as importantly, to clearly understand what is included and what is not. Typical hidden or overlooked costs often include genetic testing (such as PGT-A), surrogate accommodation, additional medications..Creating a realistic budget or savings plan is key. Beyond agency and program fees, there are often significant additional expenses related to legal processes, travel, accommodation, local transportation (such as taxis in a foreign country), insurance, and administrative requirements. Working with me helps you identify these costs early and flag potential gaps in agency quotes before you commit. You can explore my services here to better understand how I help intended parents get the  help intended parents get the full financial picture.

   
   

4. Prepare Emotionally and Mentally: Recognize that the holidays can be emotionally intense. It’s helpful to acknowledge your feelings. 

   
   

   Try journaling about your journey and setting intentions for the upcoming year. Express gratitude for the steps you’ve already taken – even small ones. Remember that taking care of your emotional well-being now is just as important as the logistical preparation. A calm, hopeful mindset will sustain you through the whole surrogacy process that awaits you!

   
   

5. Build Your Support Network: Sometimes, reaching out to others who understand this journey feels too awkward. Being active in surrogacy groups - challenging as well. But I get you. Many intended parents believe that they are on their own. There are many online communities and forums for intended parents and surrogates. Sharing experiences and advice with people who’ve “been there” can reduce feelings of isolation. In addition to virtual support, lean on friends or family members who are empathetic. The key is to surround yourself with understanding people, even one or two confidants can provide comfort. Connecting with those “who truly understand and support your journey can make the holidays feel less lonely.

   
   

Maintaining Hope While Waiting

International surrogacy is a marathon, not a sprint. Holidays can feel especially long when you’re in a holding pattern, but they’re also a reminder that life continues outside the journey. Take time to be proud of the progress you’ve made so far. Maybe you completed all the paperwork, met with agencies, or found an egg donor? Acknowledge these as achievements worth celebrating in your own way. 

Look around you and remember why you started this journey. Many intended parents find comfort in envisioning the family they will have. Stay connected with your loved ones and celebrate small moments - a quiet dinner, a movie night – anything that will reinforce your core relationships.

Above all, remember that you are not alone in this journey. Other families have navigated these same steps and are now holding their children, and every piece of planning you do now brings that future closer.

Keep your vision of your future family alive. In quiet moments, remind yourself that each page of research and each conversation is building the foundation for your family. Nurturing hope is part of the work you do now - it fuels resilience and motivates you to continue, step by step.

 Key Takeaways for Intended Parents During the Holidays

Research ahead: I advise intended parents to use the first, free session with me to dive into international surrogacy options. Together, we can study which countries welcome your family type, review their legal and citizenship requirements, and compare agencies based on their services and reputations.

• Plan finances and logistics: Create a budget that includes all expected costs (medical, agency, travel, legal). Get a clear picture of all costs, including hidden fees and any that may arise along the way.

  
  

• Prioritize self-care: The holidays may stir complex emotions. Practice mindfulness, write in a journal, and consider counseling if needed. Celebrate small milestones (like completing legal steps or choosing a donor).

  
  

• Build support networks: Connect with other intended parents through online groups or local infertility/surrogacy communities. Sharing experiences and advice can ease isolation and remind you that others understand your journey.

  
  

• Keep hope alive: Every step you take now, even research and paperwork, is progress toward your future family. Hold onto that vision through quiet celebrations or creative rituals. As one expert reminds us, by nurturing hope and resilience you prepare yourself to welcome the joy that awaits.\

  
  

Each of these steps turns holiday waiting time into productive planning time. By researching, budgeting, and leaning on support now, you enter the new year ready to move forward with confidence and hope.