How to Respectfully Share or Document Your Surrogacy Journey on Social Media

Sharing a surrogacy journey on social media can be a beautiful way to celebrate the path to parenthood and educate others, but it must be done with care, respect, and privacy in mind. 

Unlike a typical pregnancy, a surrogacy journey involves multiple people: intended parents (IPs) and a surrogate (gestational carrier), and often their families. 

This guide will help both intended parents and surrogates navigate social media respectfully and safely, ensuring that everyone’s comfort and confidentiality are protected.

Why is this important? 

Because surrogacy is a shared journey and a deeply personal experience. What you post online can affect not just you, but your partner(s) in the journey. Striking the right balance between celebrating the experience and safeguarding privacy is key. Let’s explore general principles first, and then specific tips for intended parents and for surrogates.

General Principles for Sharing Surrogacy on Social Media

Before diving into individual perspectives, there are overarching guidelines that apply to everyone involved in a surrogacy journey. Whether you are an intended parent or a surrogate, keep these core principles in mind:

Open Communication & Consent

Have an honest discussion early on (ideally before pregnancy begins or as soon as you match) about what each party is comfortable sharing. Nothing should go online without mutual consent. This conversation can be mediated by your agency or included as a clause in your surrogacy contract. It should cover questions like: What kind of updates or photos are okay to post? Do we name or tag each other? Who needs to approve posts? Having clear boundaries in your agreement prevents misunderstandings later.

Respect Privacy (Yours and Theirs)

Surrogacy involves personal details: fertility, medical procedures, and emotions, that not everyone wants public. Respect each other’s privacy preferences. For example, some intended parents may want to keep the journey entirely private, sharing news only with close family, especially if they’ve been through infertility struggles. Some surrogates may prefer not to be identified publicly as a surrogate. Always err on the side of caution: if either party feels uneasy about sharing something, don’t post it. As a rule, “only share information after receiving [the other party’s] consent”.

Think Before You Post – It Lives Forever

Remember that anything shared on the internet can resurface in the future. Even if you delete a post, someone may have saved a screenshot. Ask yourself: Would everyone involved be okay with this post being visible a year from now, or when the child is older? If the answer is no or unsure, reconsider posting. A good habit is “Ask first, post later.” It’s better to delay sharing than to risk harming trust. Also, be mindful of accidental disclosures. For instance, ultrasound photos or hospital snapshots can contain names or personal info. Something as small as a name on a hospital wristband in a photo could expose identities, so always double-check images (a second set of eyes helps!).

Be Mindful of Feelings

Surrogacy is an emotional journey for all. Social media posts should not inadvertently hurt anyone. For example, a surrogate might jokingly post a common pregnancy complaint like “Ugh, stick a fork in me, I’m done!” out of discomfort or fatigue, but imagine how the intended parents might feel reading that. They could feel guilty or saddened that the surrogate is suffering on their behalf. Conversely, intended parents should be careful not to post in a way that sidelines the surrogate’s role (or overshares it without her consent). Always consider how your words or photos might be received by the other party. When in doubt, discuss privately first. Maintaining empathy on both sides will go a long way in preserving a positive relationship.

Focus on Education and Positivity (Not Personal Details)

Many people choose to share their surrogacy journey to educate and inspire others. This is wonderful! Sharing facts can dispel myths (for example, clarifying that a gestational surrogate is not the biological mother of the baby) and spread understanding. It’s often more respectful to emphasize the positive aspects - the teamwork, the hope, the joy, rather than intimate personal details. You can certainly acknowledge challenges, but try not to vent in public forums about those challenges. Keep the tone supportive and informative rather than gossipy or overly intimate. Remember, you can celebrate the journey while still keeping parts of it private.

Tailor Your Audience and Settings

Not everything has to be broadcast to the entire world. Consider who really needs or wants to see your updates. You might choose to share day-to-day updates in a closed Facebook group for family and close friends, or on a private Instagram account, rather than your public timeline. Check your privacy settings on each platform. For instance, maybe only your friends (and not “friends of friends”) should see your surrogate bump photos. Some people even create a separate, private social media profile just for surrogacy-related posts, adding only select people. Using privacy controls can give you a middle ground between total secrecy and full public sharing.

Never Share Identifying Information Without Permission

This includes names, addresses, exact due dates, hospital names, etc., if the other party wants to keep those confidential. Some surrogates refer to intended parents by first name initial or a nickname on social media; some intended parents introduce their surrogate as “a dear friend” without naming her publicly. Find what works for your team. Also be cautious about tagging people or checking in at locations. For example, tagging your surrogate in a post announces her identity to your entire network (and vice versa). Only do this if you’ve agreed it’s okay to be publicly associated. If anonymity is important, avoid it altogether.

Guidelines for Intended Parents - Sharing Your News with Care

For intended parents, finally announcing that you’re expecting a child, especially after possibly long years of waiting or infertility, can be one of the happiest moments of your life. It’s natural to want to shout the news from the rooftops (or the Facebook timeline). However, because your baby’s birth involves a surrogate, there are extra things to consider before you post that pregnancy announcement or weekly update. Here’s how intended parents can share their surrogacy journey respectfully:

1. Set Expectations Early with Your Surrogate

Start the conversation about social media early in your relationship with your surrogate – even before the embryo transfer if possible. Let her know how you feel about sharing the journey online, and ask how she feels. Be honest: if you prefer to keep things very private, say so. If you are comfortable being more open, find out if she is too. This mutual understanding should ideally be reflected in your surrogacy agreement or an informal written plan. Discuss specifics, such as: Can we post ultrasound pictures? Do we mention each other’s first names? By discussing this upfront, you prevent conflicts later. Remember, your surrogate’s comfort is important - she’s doing an incredible thing for your family, so be prepared to err on the side of her privacy preferences.

2. Decide on the Right Time to Announce

Timing is a personal choice, but in surrogacy there are a few extra factors. Many intended parents choose to wait until the pregnancy is through the first trimester (around 12+ weeks) to announce publicly, due to the higher risk of miscarriage in early stages. Surrogacy journeys can have twists - failed transfers, early complications, and you might prefer not to have to “un-tell” the news if something goes wrong. Holding onto the news a bit longer can also give you and your surrogate some private time to process the pregnancy without outside pressure. On the other hand, some intended parents share their journey very early, even before pregnancy, with a close support network. This can rally emotional support and educate your circle about what you’re going through. There’s no one right answer; do what feels right for your situation, but make sure your surrogate is comfortable with the timing too.

3. Frame Your Announcement Thoughtfully

When you do announce, think about wording that acknowledges the unique nature of your journey respectfully. Many intended parents grapple with how to announce a pregnancy via surrogate. You might choose to say something like “We’re excited to share that we’re expecting a baby in [month] via the help of our wonderful surrogate!” This approach gives credit to your surrogate without necessarily naming her (unless she’s okay with that). Or you might say “Our family is growing: twin girls on the way this year! (Special thanks to S, our amazing gestational carrier)”. If your surrogate is a private person or the arrangement is anonymous, you can still acknowledge the surrogacy by saying, for example, “We’re thrilled to be expecting a baby via surrogacy, and we are endlessly grateful to the woman helping us make our dream come true.” The key is to avoid oversharing her personal details while still being honest about how your baby is arriving. Not only is this respectful, it also preempts confusion (so people don’t bombard you asking “are you pregnant?!” if they know you’re not physically carrying the child). 

4. Respect the Surrogate’s Privacy in Photos

You may be eager to take and share photos of big moments - the embryo transfer day, ultrasounds, the growing baby bump, or a joyful picture with your surrogate. These are beautiful memories. Always get your surrogate’s permission before posting any photo of her or any image that might identify her. Some surrogates are perfectly happy to be featured; others may not want their face on your social feed. The same goes for after the birth: before you post that first family photo with the newborn, consider whether the surrogate is in it and if she wants that online. Birth is an emotional and private time for surrogates too; many intended parents choose to share a photo of themselves with the baby when announcing the birth, and then perhaps later a separate post thanking the surrogate (if agreed). Always prioritize privacy over publicity.

5. Be Prepared for Questions (and Decide How Much You’ll Answer)

Once your news is out, people will have questions. Common questions intended parents get include: “Why did you choose surrogacy?”, “Who is the egg or sperm donor (if any)?”, “Is the surrogate related to the baby?” or “How much does it cost?”. It’s up to you how much you want to share. You don’t owe the public every detail of your personal journey. It’s perfectly fine to prepare some polite, concise answers or even to say, “We’re happy to share some basics, but hope you understand that many details are private to us.” For educational questions, you might answer in general terms: e.g. “Actually, our surrogate is not biologically related to the baby; the embryo was created with our (or donor) egg and sperm, so she’s carrying our child for us.” Correcting misconceptions can be a positive aspect of sharing – you might be helping dispel myths about surrogacy in your community. However, if a question feels too intrusive (say, someone asks about your infertility or finances), you can gently decline to answer or deflect with something like, “What matters most is that we’ll have a baby, and we’re just so grateful for our surrogate. The process can be complex, but we’re happy it’s working out.” Plan ahead with your partner (and surrogate) about what you consider off-limits. And don’t be afraid to use private messaging to continue a discussion rather than in a public comment thread.

6. Handle Negative Reactions Gracefully

Surrogacy can sometimes attract negative or judgmental comments. Unfortunately, not everyone understands or supports this family-building method. You might encounter remarks influenced by misunderstanding, religion, or personal opinion. “Why didn’t you just adopt?”, “I could never let someone else carry my baby,” or even “Surrogacy is wrong; you’re exploiting a woman,” etc. The best strategy is often not to engage with hostile comments. Focus on the positive support you receive and lean on those who understand your joy. If someone is truly out of line, you can delete their comment or block them. If a friend or relative has concerns, it might be better to talk to them privately rather than via a Facebook debate. Remember, you don’t have to justify your personal choices to random social media onlookers. You know why you chose surrogacy and how much this means to you; keep that truth at the forefront and try not to let a few negative voices dampen your happiness.

7. Include and Inform Your Inner Circle

While this guide is about social media, don’t forget traditional communication. Your close friends and family should ideally hear about your surrogacy journey from you directly (in person or a personal call) rather than via a Facebook post. Many intended parents choose to educate their immediate circle about surrogacy early on. This not only helps build a support network but also prepares your family/friends to be surrogacy advocates alongside you. They can help correct others’ misconceptions or simply be sensitive to your experience. Also, set boundaries with them on social media. Most loved ones will understand that this is a special situation and will take your lead on how to share the news.

8. Post-Birth Announcements and Long-Term Sharing

The climax of the journey is, of course, the baby’s birth. When the baby arrives, you’ll likely want to shout it to the world. Work out in advance with your surrogate how and when to announce the birth on social media. Many intended parents wait until they have left the hospital with the baby. For instance, you might post a newborn photo and a message of profound thanks to your surrogate (with or without naming her, as per agreement). Some intended parents also share about the surrogacy after the birth. Maybe a longer post explaining the journey, expressing gratitude, and even tagging the surrogate if she’s comfortable, essentially telling the story of the baby’s arrival. These can be incredibly touching and help educate others about the beauty of surrogacy. On the other hand, if you or your surrogate are more private, it’s perfectly okay to simply announce the baby’s birth without delving into surrogacy details on a public forum. It might just be a personal note you send to those who know the backstory. In the long term, consider the child’s privacy too. Some parents are fine with posting their child’s photos online from day one; others are more guarded. If you continue to share milestones of your child on social media, think about how you’ll reference the surrogacy (if at all). As the child grows, you’ll eventually explain their birth story to them; many parents save some of those details for the child to know first before the whole world does. There’s no single “right” way, just the way that honors your family and the surrogate who helped build it.

Guidelines for Surrogates - Sharing Your Story Responsibly

Surrogates (often called gestational carriers) are justifiably proud of the role they play - you are helping bring a life into the world for someone who can’t do it alone. It’s an amazing story to tell! Many surrogates want to share their journey, to raise awareness, inspire others, and to keep memories of this special time. 

However, as a surrogate you must remember that it’s not only your story. It’s also the intended parents’ story and their future child’s story. Here are tips for surrogates on navigating social media:

1. Always Get the Intended Parents’ Approval

This is the golden rule. Before you post anything about the surrogacy, make sure the intended parents are okay with it. This includes seemingly minor things like a selfie at the fertility clinic on transfer day, a bump update, or a simple “I’m so excited to be helping a family!” status. The intended parents might have strong feelings about privacy. Some surrogacy contracts actually include clauses about social media. For example, you might be prohibited from sharing identifying information or posting ultrasound images without permission. Violating those terms could have serious consequences, so always follow the agreed rules. When in doubt, ask the intended parents, “Is it okay if I share this?” If they say no to a particular photo or update, respect that without taking it personally. Their comfort levels may evolve over time too, so keep checking in throughout the pregnancy.

2. Discuss Social Media Boundaries Early

Ideally, this conversation happens through your surrogacy agency before signing the contract. But if it didn’t, initiate it as soon as possible with the intended parents. It can be as straightforward as saying, “I love sharing parts of my life on Facebook/Instagram. How do you feel about me posting about being a surrogate?” Be honest about what you hope to get out of sharing. For instance, maybe you want to educate your community or keep a journal of the journey. Also, be ready to hear and honor the IPs’ wishes. Some intended parents might be very private and ask you not to post anything at all until maybe after birth (or even not at all). Others might be okay with occasional updates as long as identifying info is omitted. Get clarity on specifics.

3. Protect Identities and Confidential Info

As a surrogate, you may have access to personal information about the intended parents (and vice versa). Be extremely careful never to reveal confidential details online. That includes the intended parents’ full names (unless they’ve told you it’s fine), where they live, their professions, or any medical details about them. Even something positive like “The mom-to-be had her egg retrieval today!” could be more detailed than they want shared publicly. Similarly, don’t share specifics of the medical process (beyond what’s generally known about surrogacy) without consent. Photos require caution too: if you have an ultrasound image to share, double-check it doesn’t display the medical record number on the edges (those should be cropped out). If you take a selfie in the delivery room, make sure no one’s hospital bracelet or documents are visible with names. And of course, never share legal paperwork or your contract details in public. 

4. Share the Experience, Not the Intimate Details

Many surrogates feel a responsibility to educate others about how surrogacy really works, which is fantastic. You can absolutely use your platform to do this. Talk about the positive reasons you became a surrogate – e.g. wanting to help a loving couple have a family – and share the joyous moments: maybe the day you heard the heartbeat, or how it felt when the intended parents saw the ultrasound. These kinds of posts can inspire and inform people. What you should avoid sharing are the more intimate or sensitive details that might make the intended parents (or future child) uncomfortable. 

Also, think about tone: It’s okay to acknowledge difficulties (surrogacy is not all sunshine), but do so carefully. If you’re having a rough day with morning sickness or aches, consider whether to vent publicly or save it for a private surrogate support group. 

5. Use Respectful Language and Terminology

Words matter in surrogacy discussions. On social media, you might get comments that use insensitive language. When you share your own posts, try to set the tone with respectful terminology. Refer to the intended parents with the title they prefer (e.g. simply “parents-to-be” or by their first names if public). Refer to yourself as the surrogate or gestational carrier (whichever you and the parents are comfortable with). If you aren’t sure what terms to use, discuss with the intended parents or your agency. Many agencies provide guidance on using positive language. For example, phrases like “helping someone grow their family” or “carrying their miracle” emphasize the gift aspect and partnership. Using the right language educates your audience too.

6. Anticipate Curiosity and Set Boundaries

Just as intended parents get inundated with questions, so will you as a surrogate. Decide ahead of time how you want to handle such queries. You’re in control of your story, you can answer generally to educate, or you can politely decline. Feel free to set firm personal boundaries: it’s okay to say, “That’s a bit personal, I’d rather not discuss it in detail.” On social media, if strangers or distant acquaintances ask invasive questions in comments, you can answer briefly or not at all. Remember, you don’t owe everyone an explanation. 

Also, brace for negative or uninformed remarks. Hopefully, you’ll receive mostly admiration and support. Many people will call you an angel or say how wonderful what you’re doing is. Those positive comments can outweigh the occasional negatives. But if you do get a hurtful comment , don’t engage in a fight online. As advised earlier, focus on those who support you and “only respond to supportive followers”, not trolls. If a comment simply comes from ignorance but is well-meaning, you can choose to educate politely. However, guard your emotional well-being: if interacting is draining, it’s okay to step back. You might even take breaks from social media if needed, or adjust who can see or comment on your posts (many platforms let you restrict or filter comments).

7. Share in Private Spaces & Surrogate Communities

You might find that you want to document every step. Not for the public, but for yourself, the intended parents, or the baby to look back on. There are alternative ways to share that give you more control. If you have a close-knit circle of family/friends who are supporting you, consider creating a private group just for them where you can post more freely (assuming the IPs consent to that level of sharing). This keeps the info within a trusted circle.

Additionally, surrogate-only forums or support groups (often on Facebook or specialized websites) are great outlets. Before you were a surrogate, you might have been part of such groups to learn; now you can contribute. In these groups, you can often share your feelings and experiences more openly, since everyone there understands the journey. Still, even in private groups, avoid revealing identifying details about your IPs unless the group is strictly moderated and confidentiality is assured. Many agencies run closed groups for their surrogates where you can share milestones (“had the transfer today, fingers crossed!”) and get encouragement from fellow surrogates who get it. This can fulfill the desire to share, without putting it on broad public display.

Some surrogates also choose to blog about their journey (anonymizing where necessary) or keep a video diary. If you do this, make sure the intended parents are on board, and consider using pseudonyms. Blogging can be a wonderful way to reflect on your experiences and help others considering surrogacy. You might even collaborate with your agency or a surrogacy organization to share your story as a testimonial or guest post (with IPs’ permission). This way, you’re contributing to the discourse on surrogacy in a controlled, positive manner.

8. After Delivery: Sharing and Closure

The birth of the baby you’ve carried is an emotional time for a surrogate. When it’s all over, you may feel an urge to share the culmination of the journey - perhaps a photo of the newborn (with or without you in it), or a heartfelt message about the experience. Before posting, check in with yourself and the parents. Many surrogates wait until the parents have announced the birth themselves, and then share their own post. Accompanying that with a tasteful photo can be very moving, just ensure the parents approve the photo choice. Many surrogates do not post pictures of the baby’s face or any identifying details, leaving it to the parents to decide how much of the child’s image goes online. This respects that, ultimately, it’s the parents’ child and their prerogative how and when to introduce the baby to the world.

Don’t forget to also consider your own family’s role. If you have children, they have been part of this journey too. It might be worth creating that memory book or journal of the journey we mentioned. Not for the public eye, but as a keepsake. This kind of documentation is a wonderful gift and doesn’t require any social media at all.

Finally, after the surrogacy is complete, decide how (or if) you want to share or continue engaging on the topic. Some surrogates become passionate advocates and continue to post about surrogacy in general, or even go on to do additional surrogate journeys. Others prefer to quietly return to normal life. Do what feels right for you. 

Finding the Right Balance:- Celebrate and Protect

At the end of the day, sharing a surrogacy journey on social media is about finding a balance that works for all parties. It is possible to celebrate this incredible journey and even educate others, without compromising anyone’s privacy or feelings. Here’s a quick recap of the key takeaways for respectful sharing:

• Treat it as a Partnership: Always remember, surrogacy is a team effort. Any story or photo you share isn’t just yours. It belongs to your partner(s) in this journey too. Approach social media as a joint effort where everyone should feel comfortable and respected.

  
  

• When in Doubt, Communicate (and Wait): If you’re unsure about posting something, pause and ask. There’s rarely a “social media emergency” that can’t wait a few hours for a quick conversation. It’s far better to delay a post than to rush and regret. An honest chat can clear up misunderstandings and set clear yes/no on sharing certain details.

  
  

• Use Privacy Tools to Your Advantage: Leverage those privacy settings, private groups, and direct sharing methods. Not every beautiful moment has to be public. You can document everything and later curate what to share publicly. For example, you might keep a personal album of weekly belly photos, and only post a couple of milestone pictures to the public after getting approval.

  
  

• Support Over Spotlight: Keep the focus on support and positivity. Social media should ideally serve to uplift your journey, whether that means getting encouraging comments, spreading good information, or connecting with like-minded people. The moment it becomes a source of stress or conflict, it’s time to step back and recalibrate. It’s completely fine to decide to keep things offline if that feels safer. There is no obligation to share on social media at all. Some of the most meaningful parts of a surrogacy journey happen in private messages, personal emails, or phone calls between surrogate and IP, or in the delivery room.

  
  

• Celebrate the Joy: By following the guidelines above, you can absolutely celebrate your unique story. Post that joyous announcement when you’re ready, share those heartwarming moments of belly kicks or nursery prep with consent, and don’t shy away from expressing gratitude and wonder at what you’re accomplishing together. The world can always use more positive stories – and surrogacy, done with love and respect, is certainly one of them. Just temper it with the understanding that a little discretion goes a long way in protecting this precious experience.

  
  

In conclusion, sharing a surrogacy journey respectfully comes down to mutual respect, open communication, and thoughtful judgment. Both intended parents and surrogates should always feel empowered to voice their needs regarding privacy. When you treat each other’s feelings and privacy as equal to your own, you create a foundation of trust that not only makes social media sharing smoother, but also strengthens your overall relationship. And that bond of trust and respect, between the intended parents and the surrogate,  is truly the heart of a successful surrogacy journey.

Remember: This is your journey (all of you together), and you have the right to share it or keep it as private as you wish. By following the principles above, you can find the perfect middle ground that honors everyone involved. Here’s to a happy, healthy surrogacy experience – both online and offline – and to welcoming a new life with love and dignity.

Sources:

• Shared Conception Surrogacy Blog – “Surrogacy and Social Media” (2017) – on considering each other’s comfort and the permanence of online posts.

• American Surrogacy – “7 Ways to Share Your Journey as a Surrogate” – on checking with intended parents first and setting social media agreements in the contract.

• Reproductive Possibilities – “Surrogacy Etiquette: Communicating... Loved Ones” – emphasizing only sharing on social media with respect for privacy and after consent.

• Family Source Consultants – “Sharing Your Surrogacy Journey on Social Media” – tips for surrogates (be discreet, educate others, handle questions, avoid negativity, tasteful photos, pros and cons).

• Circle Surrogacy – “Surrogacy and Social Media: Setting Boundaries” (2025) – on discussing parameters (what to post, privacy settings, tagging, announcing timing) and including clear social media boundaries in agreements.

• Sarah Jefford (Australian Surrogacy Lawyer) – “Surrogacy and Social Media” – on the importance of open discussions and compromise if one party is more open than the other, plus considerations about wider media sharing.

• Shared Conception – “Setting Boundaries on What to Share” (2025) – highlighting that each journey is unique and the importance of a quick check-in before posting sensitive details (ultrasounds, baby’s name, due date).

• Circle Surrogacy – advice to watch for accidental sharing (names in photos, etc.) and to expect both positive and negative feedback, focusing on protecting one’s peace.r